Warm Welcomes

Recently I visited my wife’s family in Ohio for the holidays.  For the first time, I visited a Catholic Mass the day after Thanksgiving. For the first time in a long time I was in an unfamiliar situation. Not only was I in yankee land, but a Catholic mass is completely different than any service that I have ever been in. So many things were going on that made no sense to me. There were rituals everyone knew what to say exactly when to say it. I grew up in a Baptist church and knew what was going to happen before it happened and was pretty comfortable with it. But this was different. It was an all-new experience for me. Had I just been curious and wanted to experience church for the first time I would have been uncomfortable and lost. Thankfully I had a wonderful host in Mrs. Fox who was warm and explained everything to me. When something seemed weird she explained it. I was thankful for a host that was willing to walk me through it.

It made me think about all the church signs I see telling everyone in the town that they are welcome. No one wants to walk in and feel the way I did there. People don’t have a desire to invite that type of situation into their lives.  Those “welcome” signs are about as warm as a door mat under 3 feet of snow. It’s not personal and not effective. A lot of times we think we have done our duty to reach our community by hanging a sing in the front yard. If you desire to reach your community you have to get out be the one in a place that’s uncomfortable to you. Start with the people you know. Make a personal invitation. "Meet me outside at 9:45." "let's meet for breakfast/coffee first." "Ill come pick you up" Remove any of the insecurities someone might have walking into a new place. Who lives next door to you? Have you invited them? Its hard to believe but many people grow up in the bible belt and never get invited to church. Its like we have a treasure and we want to hoard it all to ourselves, like the supply will run out. News flash: God is infinite. 

One important note: Getting people to visit a church won't solve all their problems. Getting them to attend regularly or even become members won't either. People need a life changing experience; drawn by the Holy Spirt, they need an encounter with Jesus that leads into a life long relationship with God. They don't need to stop drinking and smoking and straighten up. They need wicked, dead hearts ripped out replaced with beating hearts of flesh. We need new life as the old is worthless. A church visit won't do that, but it sure can help. If you want to make the biggest impact, abide in the Spirit. Let the love of God fill you and let it pour out to the people around you. Instead of just inviting people, let them see the difference God has made in your life, lest you be like Lot and give unheeded warnings. 

a lesson i'm still learning from

The love my father showed me growing up cant be measured. The lessons he taught me can't be numbered. One however, constantly comes to mind and I remember everything he said, because he really didn't say anything at all. 

After Hurricane Fran destroyed the NC coast, many men from the church i attended at the time stepped up to serve. I remember many trips were made to the coast. One trip in particular sticks out. We were working in a cul de sac. Ripping out carpet, taking out ruined appliances ripping out sheetrock. Almost entirely gutting many homes. What made this one different were the homeowners were there working bedside us. What we wood and nails to me, was life and memories to these people. Most seemed to be in decent spirits given the conditions but I'm sure the 13 year old me didn't notice all the struggles of the people trying to fight back all the tears. I remember people being glad they didn't have to fight this battle alone. 

The days started early. By 8 am we were there starting to work and the work was intense. Tiring to the muscles but also to the senses. The smell was rancid. Lunch time came and a much needed break was taken. The group we were working with came around and fed us lunch. A styrofoam to-go box i remember. I'm sure filled with a sandwich and a bag of chips. My dad let down his tailgate and I hoped up and began to eat. We grabbed a water and from the seemingly endless supply and he told the man he wasn't hungry. We took our break and continued to work. After the long day of work we headed home, stopping at a buffet to restock on energy. I remember my dad eating and me talking about how hungry i would have been if I had skipped lunch. 

I later realized he was hungry. He simply passed his plate on to one of the people from the neighborhood. He got up at 3 am drove for hours on his gas and with his tools to serve people he didn't know and then gave up his food when he was hungry. And he didn't assume that lesson on me. He didn't make me give up my lunch. He just did it and let me watch. He didn't say a word and to this day still hasn't. It's an act ive seen him make time and time again. 

Learning to love my wife

So its been a really long time since i've last posted. A new season of life has unfolded for me. I've been married now for 7 months. My awesome wife has jumped right into ministry with me. She has led small groups in clubs with me and serves with us every week in our ministry to children in our church. Love still hasn't changed but my understanding has increased. In this crazy paced life that we keep, its easy to get caught in the whirlwind an let time pass by. Along with it go the opportunities that I have to be with my wife.  I often find myself not making the time to love on my wife. To take time to spend with just us and listen to what she has to say. I love my wife, but I must always choose to show it.

I never want to neglect my wife. She is the dearest thing to me. Learning how to make time for everything is quite difficult. Figuring out how to love my wife in the midst of everything isn't. I simply have to prioritize. She is the most important. I must choose to love her, and then make time for the rest. As I began to realize this I came up with a plan. One date night a week. Some will be really amazing, some simple and fun, some romantic.

As part of our first weekly date night I revealed the new plan to her. I wrote her a poem and read it to her over a candle lit dinner. After dinner I took her to our room where I had made an area to hang pictures and keepsakes of our weekly date nights. Date two was a lunch at a really awesome pizza place before going to the driving range for a lot of laughs and bad shots. This was something she had mentioned she would like to do sometime. That's really what its all about. Not about spending lots of money and being really fancy. To show her I love her. To show her I listen. To make sure she knows that she is the most important.

With patience, she loved me.

Disciples who make disciples. What a dream and vision. It's one that we have at YFC and we are now making bigger steps toward that goal. Even better, its combining two things I love, training teens and working with kids. July 18-22 is our next Equipper Camp. In the past we have done several work projects teaching the teens to get out and serve. But this years work project hits me right in the heart. We will be leading a bible club in one of the neighborhoods where I frequently visit, Burch Ave. Ministering in government housing makes it easy to attract kids. They are always out and about playing in the streets. Building relationships there does take patience though. Many have no concern for your ways and discipline is seldom enforced unless the parents are inconvenienced in some way, and well, thats not much discipline at all.

I remember the discipline of my mother when she would stand over my shoulder at night for an hour making me do my homework as I learned to work with ADD. I actually didn't realize I had ADD until I was in college and couldn't focus to study. I came home after a month to reveal to her the fact that I thought I had ADD. Her response, "Yea, you do." She never had me diagnosed or used it as an excuse for my behavior. With patience, she loved me. She endured whatever came her way to teach me how to get things done without making excuses. She gave up her free, relaxing time and would stay up late to do laundry when I required all of her time doing homework. In retrospect she taught me what it meant to love sacrificially.

Many of the kids I work with get in trouble when they don't do their homework too. Not because they chose to be irresponsible or they are neglecting their education, but because the phone calls from the teachers are a pain.

But as the body of Christ we are not called to complain. We are called to action. Making disciples, loving people. Please, join us in this battle.

"This my brotha"

I visited some of my kids from church today at North Elementary. One young girl had asked me to eat lunch with her again. I was standing in line with the young black girl with my hands in my pocket. She was leaning against me, head laid on my side and her arm hooked over mine. We waiting for our turn to pass through when her classmate turns around and asked who i was. She didnt say anything so he asked,"Is that your uncle?" Very animated, she responded, "I ain't got no white uncle!" So he asked again and after smacking her lips she said, "this my brotha." I just smiled. This is the same girl i blogged about Monday, September 20, 2010

Last year at Earl Bradsher when visiting Kashawn he told his classmates when asked who I was, "This my daddy." They are now in Kindergarden and several of the kids when I come say. "There's Kashawn's daddy." I just smile. I don't mind.

With the state of most families or lack there of, many kids are left in need of more love. Even some of them who have a parent and perhaps two might still fit that label of "orphans" from James 1:27. It reads:

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."

I know that taking Jesus serious to "take up my cross daily" left me spending my one day of the week that I could do what I wanted and spending it on some kids. Jesus command was very proactive when he said

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself ”

Going through James has caused me to see how well I love myself. I'm quite good at it. I spoil myself regularly.

The question we need to ask ourselves are we responding to Jesus with action? I'm not sure this meant that we start attending church or go to seminary. That we start reading the right trendy books or know all the big name pastors. That we build for ourselves a tight christian bubble. Its a call to action. To love and to love sacrificially. Like me, the blessing will be yours, not theirs.

busy, busy, busy.

Its been a while since I've been able to blog. My mom even sent me an email telling me I needed a new blog. I've been busy with ministry at YFC and at East Rock. I've also been getting a few more photo jobs lately. Life has been pretty crazy lately and something had to give. This time I chose to give up a some of my internet free time including this blog and also a lot of facebook (excluding the things I do to promote BCP). This is really no glory story on how I always choose what's best. Its often quite opposite. The summer was easily as busy just in different ways. I didn't have much free time at all. At the end of last school year I had been counseling a young man and it had been going great. We spoke openly and he asked some great questions. He listened intensely. He took it all in. Then the crazy summer hit. He had no cell phone because he made a dumb decision and his father took(broke) it. That was our main method of communication. We didn't talk all summer. I knew where he worked. I know where he lives and I often passed his house. But business kept me from calling his house or making a quick stop. Fail. School starts back and I see him the first lunch visit I make. "Where you been, man?" The answer really was quite long. I had been to Nicaragua, Kentucky, Boston and the list goes on. I had children camps, church events and so much more. I dont think he really cared to hear all of that. Of all that had been going on could I not find five minuets to call him up. I kind of hung my head and said, "Around." "I've needed to talk to you man. I've been struggling. I've got a lot of questions." Sure, he could have called me up too. But, I knew. I knew what I should have done and I failed.

There are a lot of good things out there. But don't miss the great things. We were designed for relationships. First, with the Almighty God and second for other people. Don't trade either for lesser things.

What about me?

We took pictures of all our kids at East Rock a while back to hang on the wall. My favorite picture is of Savion. Full of character, it captures him. The most telling is probably of his brother Kashawn, unable to focus long enough to actually look at the camera for me to take the picture.

This past week I suffered from a kidney stone. The pain is unlike anything else I’ve ever known. I cried out in pain, first in screams, then in prayer. I asked the Lord to make the pain stop. I then asked to make it stop right away. It didn’t. I then asked for him to reveal to me if sin in my life was causing these stones. He responded by asking me why was this the only time I cried out to him with this much passion and fervor. In my prayers I expect results. I know the Lord hears my prayers and tells me He will answer. But somehow my prayer this night was different. My heart cried out as much if not more than my voice. I deeply desired the pain to subside and I begged and pleaded for that like there was no tomorrow. It had all of my attention and focus. “When you pray for these kids, why does it never sound like this?” I heard. Why was my heart never bent on achieving such immediate results? Why did I never pray for them with such fervor and fury? The Lord had caught and won my attention. My prayers for each kid deepened. Lord, soften the hard heart of Savion. Break the strong will of Kashawn.

When Sunday came around I was excited to see the kids. Excited to tell them I had lifted them up before the Lord. I had looked back through the pictures and prayed for each one by name. I told Kashawn and he smiled and asked, “Really?” Then I told Trevon and Raquan. But there were more kids around. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Several I’ve now known for only two weeks and barely know their name. I looked at one, named either TJ or DJ, I cant tell the young brothers apart yet, “No, but I will this week.” And I meant it. In a brand new way I meant it. I will not just mention his name so I can say that I did. I will petition before the Lord on his behalf. I will ask God to call him to His name. That he can leave this world behind and cling fast to the Lord.

We pray more for things that mean the most to us. It was easy to pray for my pain to cease because I love myself very well. But the Lord revealed his heart to me that night. His heart is for people and I am to love them like he does. And the best way I can start is by lifting them up to Him.

Ziyun (pronounced Zion)

What a sweetheart. I get great joy walking to her door to pick her up. I know that when the door opens a smile awaits. A few weeks ago while dropping her off the skies were releasing rain with great fury. I tucked Ziyun under my arm and ran swiftly to her doorstep. I sat her down and there was that wonderful smile. She loved it. Next time I picked her up I again tucked her under my arm and ran quickly to the van. That same smile reappeared and a routine started. For a couple of weeks I did this. After a long night I simply picked her up and walked to her door. When I got there she asked if I was sick or hurt. “No sweetie” I replied, “Why do you ask?” She simply smiled. “You wanted me to run didn’t you?” Somehow her big smile grew. Nothing deep. Nothing profound. You just never know what kind of joy your smile might bring to someone.

Kashawn

I must say that I have fallen in love with my kids that I pick up on Wednesdays for church. They make me quite happy. Some make me want to pull my hair out. One that does both is a kid named Kashawn. With his sweet little heart he will cuddle up in my lap and tell me he loves me. He will reach up with his small hands and play with my beard. And then he will lean in and kiss my cheek. And when he doesn’t get his way he will cross his arms and hang his head. He will look at me and declare, “I don’t like you” with enthusiasm. When I push more him he squints his eyes and tell me he hates me. Then I’ll show up at his school and he runs into my arms. His classmates see me and say, “There’s Kashawn’s dad” because that’s how he introduced me. And that’s the cycle. Some days are great with endless smiles and other have endless frustrations as I have the physically restrain him as he tries to punch, kick and bite. Loving him is hard. It takes effort. It takes patience. It takes endurance. All given to me graciously by God. I ask for it to love Kashawn and he freely gives, because He knows what it takes to love me.

This is the life.

Picking up local kids for church is quite a task at times. The young people come sometimes because they have nothing else to do and want to leave home. Many are not disciplined period. They do what they want and when they want. Not all of them are that way, though and many change and grow. One such kid is Raquan. He was never a big problem but little stuff like talking and such. At church lately he has been great. Most weeks he sits with Tom Gilliam. Instead of talking, now he opens his Bible and follows along. As much as hes growing I really wanted to treat him. I picked him up Friday afternoon and I spent sometime with him at the Warehouse as I cooked supper. We then went to the Person football game. During supper he leaned back in the chair and said "This is the life." It made my day. I was wondering if he was having a decent time and he was loving it. When we love God and give our life to Him, He will spend us on others. Matthew 25:35 "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me."

I am a rock star. OK, maybe not, but that's what I feel like when I go to lunches at the elementary school. I find this to be one of the easiest ways to speak to a kid. One of the easiest ways to let them know you love them. You don't even have to say it and they know. But I prefer to. No one else is coming to see them. No one else goes out of their way to show them special attention. Nothing else separates them from their class mates. This simple action means the world to them. This is an action that buys me their ear when I talk to them about the love of God. This is an action they recognize as love. They may not be able to explain it as that but they know it. If you want to make a kids day then visit them at lunch. Make it better and buy them ice cream.

Driving to church on the church van two kids got into an altercation. One had something that the other wanted. When the girl (about 7) wouldn't give it to the boy(just turned 5), he decided to hit her and she cursed at him. When we got to the church I took them to the side to talk about it. Both were mad. I told them both that I loved them. I told them how they both were wrong. I reminded them of my love for them and told them of a better way to handle their problems. I told them again I wasn't mad and reminded them of my love for them. We left and both were still not very happy. During the church service the little girl drew me this picture.

God has called us to love the world. 1 John 4:7 " Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." Love speaks very loud, even in the form of discipline. Take the time to get to know people and love them. The last thing a church needs is a program. The first thing they need to do is to love people.

A trip down memory lane

I journeyed to Wake Forest over the weekend to see a college friend who has served the last couple of years overseas. It was a great time to catch up with Joel and a few of our roommates. Apparently Joel has missed the snuggie craze. Watching a little football we run in to a commercial and Joel thought it was some joke. Unfortunately Chris had a Alabama snuggie available for Joel to experience. The snuggie is not all that bad but did it have to be an Alabama one?
Anyway, my conversations with Joel were the highlight of the trip. Spending two years overseas on the mission field is a big task. Verses the typical one week short term trip it seems like quite a long time to spread the word. In reality its quite hard to be limited to two years when you have more in mind than just telling someone about Jesus. When you have a desire to tell about Jesus and then make disciples two years seems very short. In fact, Jesus spent three years making his disciples. Joel had to become very intentional with his time. It was essential to seek out ones that were seeking to commit their life to Christ. There was no interest in a person who just wanted to say a prayer and believe that they weren't going to hell.
The word Joel kept saying was sanctification. The process of a believer being made into the image of Christ. Joel desired to lead that. Joel desired to disciple. Christ call us to make disciples, not to get people's names on a church role. I like the conversations that Joel and I were having. Believers being made into the image of Christ. Rethinking anything that may get in the way of that. Would you join us in our mission of seeking Jesus?

Warning: Has and attitude and knows how to use it

To know Josiah is to love Josiah. He is the child of Mark who works on staff with me at YFC. He loves to catch wild animals, fight, defend women and collect knives. Recently I went on a mission trip to Kentucky and Josiah went with us. We hard some hard labor in the heat while there. I worked all morning mowing a river bank with one crew while Mark led the other crew painting. We took a break to eat and cool down. You could tell Josiah had been working hard. He ate his lunch and then began to drink his water. He then started to get sick. I believe he consumed his water too fast. His dad decided to take him back to the camp to rest in the A/C with his mom. Three miles down the road Josiah began to cry. Not because he was feeling bad, but because he was no longer going to be able to work. He didn't want to sit inside while others labored. Mark turned the van around and they headed back to the fence to resume painting. Another reason to admire this young man of eight. Christ called his disciples to be laborers. Many people look for any excuse to not work or to give up early and head to a place thats more comfortable. But not Josiah. He's in it until the work is done. What if Christians took on the mindset of this little guy and pushed on?

Forever

Today has me reminiscing a little bit. The desire to go to a durham bulls game reminded me about one I went to this summer. A friend gave me tickets and I took my mom and a kid from church. My brother manages the sky boxes and since they weren't full, we got to spend the game there. It was the best way ever to watch a game. My brother spoiled us with endless free stuff. Chicken, pizza, ice cream, ice cream sandwiches, cotton candy, popcorn, peanuts, drinks all enjoyed from an air conditioned room, with the option to go out side too. It was awesome. The kid had never left roxboro before. He never goes anywhere and no one ever spends anytime with just him. He comes to church every week and often falls asleep. Perhaps thats the most peaceful hour he knows all week in an apartment with 6 kids. As usual Brooklyn didn't say much that day. But he took every thing in. He didnt miss any details. Not just on the field, but also watching everyone in the stands. He didnt smile much. He doesnt like to smile. But as I bought him the snow cone it was hard to hold back. We took a walk and decided to take a picture with Wool E. Bull. I wanted him to smile. He resisted. I could make him laugh, that always works. I started saying crazy things without much luck. Then it hit me. Though only 7 hes a tough guy and they dont like to talk about love. So I asked him in hopes of a smile, "Brooklyn, how much you love me?" Waiting behind the camera I heard, "Forever." I admit, I was choked up. I knew he was having fun but I didn't see that coming. I had poured out love to him all day and he noticed. Our God pours out his grace on us. And to the people God has called us to love, how can we do it any different?

I will follow you into the dark.

A few years ago I was dating a girl and I decided to make her a mix tape, being the smooth guy that I am. I carefully picked each song for a special reason and they all said exactly what I wanted to say. I came to a song called, "I will follow you into the dark" that I really wanted to include. I listened to it many time as I thought about it. I came to the conclusion, even as smooth as the song sounded, I indeed would not follow her into the dark. I then asked myself who would I follow into the dark? I concluded that the only person that I would follow into the dark is Tim Bowes. I know that if I follow him there I would be on a mission from God to retrieve lost souls.
Recently a man in our community has called him out as a false prophet. I doubt that this man has caused any deep problems to Tim but rather has been like a pesky bug that just wont go away. I just wanted to say that I stand behind Tim. As my pastor, my boss, my friend and my brother.

I had the chance to spend the morning with my boy Jason Evans laying some ground work for a new ministry we are calling Engage. We, along with a few others, have a desire to reach out to the college age of Person County. We will start at the campus of PCC and they asked us to come to a student government meeting and training. There are a million other things that I would rather be doing, but this is where the Lord led us. We left a little early to pick up his daughters and enjoy a little subway for lunch. Pray as God leads us on this new journey.