Warm Welcomes

Recently I visited my wife’s family in Ohio for the holidays.  For the first time, I visited a Catholic Mass the day after Thanksgiving. For the first time in a long time I was in an unfamiliar situation. Not only was I in yankee land, but a Catholic mass is completely different than any service that I have ever been in. So many things were going on that made no sense to me. There were rituals everyone knew what to say exactly when to say it. I grew up in a Baptist church and knew what was going to happen before it happened and was pretty comfortable with it. But this was different. It was an all-new experience for me. Had I just been curious and wanted to experience church for the first time I would have been uncomfortable and lost. Thankfully I had a wonderful host in Mrs. Fox who was warm and explained everything to me. When something seemed weird she explained it. I was thankful for a host that was willing to walk me through it.

It made me think about all the church signs I see telling everyone in the town that they are welcome. No one wants to walk in and feel the way I did there. People don’t have a desire to invite that type of situation into their lives.  Those “welcome” signs are about as warm as a door mat under 3 feet of snow. It’s not personal and not effective. A lot of times we think we have done our duty to reach our community by hanging a sing in the front yard. If you desire to reach your community you have to get out be the one in a place that’s uncomfortable to you. Start with the people you know. Make a personal invitation. "Meet me outside at 9:45." "let's meet for breakfast/coffee first." "Ill come pick you up" Remove any of the insecurities someone might have walking into a new place. Who lives next door to you? Have you invited them? Its hard to believe but many people grow up in the bible belt and never get invited to church. Its like we have a treasure and we want to hoard it all to ourselves, like the supply will run out. News flash: God is infinite. 

One important note: Getting people to visit a church won't solve all their problems. Getting them to attend regularly or even become members won't either. People need a life changing experience; drawn by the Holy Spirt, they need an encounter with Jesus that leads into a life long relationship with God. They don't need to stop drinking and smoking and straighten up. They need wicked, dead hearts ripped out replaced with beating hearts of flesh. We need new life as the old is worthless. A church visit won't do that, but it sure can help. If you want to make the biggest impact, abide in the Spirit. Let the love of God fill you and let it pour out to the people around you. Instead of just inviting people, let them see the difference God has made in your life, lest you be like Lot and give unheeded warnings. 

a lesson i'm still learning from

The love my father showed me growing up cant be measured. The lessons he taught me can't be numbered. One however, constantly comes to mind and I remember everything he said, because he really didn't say anything at all. 

After Hurricane Fran destroyed the NC coast, many men from the church i attended at the time stepped up to serve. I remember many trips were made to the coast. One trip in particular sticks out. We were working in a cul de sac. Ripping out carpet, taking out ruined appliances ripping out sheetrock. Almost entirely gutting many homes. What made this one different were the homeowners were there working bedside us. What we wood and nails to me, was life and memories to these people. Most seemed to be in decent spirits given the conditions but I'm sure the 13 year old me didn't notice all the struggles of the people trying to fight back all the tears. I remember people being glad they didn't have to fight this battle alone. 

The days started early. By 8 am we were there starting to work and the work was intense. Tiring to the muscles but also to the senses. The smell was rancid. Lunch time came and a much needed break was taken. The group we were working with came around and fed us lunch. A styrofoam to-go box i remember. I'm sure filled with a sandwich and a bag of chips. My dad let down his tailgate and I hoped up and began to eat. We grabbed a water and from the seemingly endless supply and he told the man he wasn't hungry. We took our break and continued to work. After the long day of work we headed home, stopping at a buffet to restock on energy. I remember my dad eating and me talking about how hungry i would have been if I had skipped lunch. 

I later realized he was hungry. He simply passed his plate on to one of the people from the neighborhood. He got up at 3 am drove for hours on his gas and with his tools to serve people he didn't know and then gave up his food when he was hungry. And he didn't assume that lesson on me. He didn't make me give up my lunch. He just did it and let me watch. He didn't say a word and to this day still hasn't. It's an act ive seen him make time and time again. 

Learning to love my wife

So its been a really long time since i've last posted. A new season of life has unfolded for me. I've been married now for 7 months. My awesome wife has jumped right into ministry with me. She has led small groups in clubs with me and serves with us every week in our ministry to children in our church. Love still hasn't changed but my understanding has increased. In this crazy paced life that we keep, its easy to get caught in the whirlwind an let time pass by. Along with it go the opportunities that I have to be with my wife.  I often find myself not making the time to love on my wife. To take time to spend with just us and listen to what she has to say. I love my wife, but I must always choose to show it.

I never want to neglect my wife. She is the dearest thing to me. Learning how to make time for everything is quite difficult. Figuring out how to love my wife in the midst of everything isn't. I simply have to prioritize. She is the most important. I must choose to love her, and then make time for the rest. As I began to realize this I came up with a plan. One date night a week. Some will be really amazing, some simple and fun, some romantic.

As part of our first weekly date night I revealed the new plan to her. I wrote her a poem and read it to her over a candle lit dinner. After dinner I took her to our room where I had made an area to hang pictures and keepsakes of our weekly date nights. Date two was a lunch at a really awesome pizza place before going to the driving range for a lot of laughs and bad shots. This was something she had mentioned she would like to do sometime. That's really what its all about. Not about spending lots of money and being really fancy. To show her I love her. To show her I listen. To make sure she knows that she is the most important.

With patience, she loved me.

Disciples who make disciples. What a dream and vision. It's one that we have at YFC and we are now making bigger steps toward that goal. Even better, its combining two things I love, training teens and working with kids. July 18-22 is our next Equipper Camp. In the past we have done several work projects teaching the teens to get out and serve. But this years work project hits me right in the heart. We will be leading a bible club in one of the neighborhoods where I frequently visit, Burch Ave. Ministering in government housing makes it easy to attract kids. They are always out and about playing in the streets. Building relationships there does take patience though. Many have no concern for your ways and discipline is seldom enforced unless the parents are inconvenienced in some way, and well, thats not much discipline at all.

I remember the discipline of my mother when she would stand over my shoulder at night for an hour making me do my homework as I learned to work with ADD. I actually didn't realize I had ADD until I was in college and couldn't focus to study. I came home after a month to reveal to her the fact that I thought I had ADD. Her response, "Yea, you do." She never had me diagnosed or used it as an excuse for my behavior. With patience, she loved me. She endured whatever came her way to teach me how to get things done without making excuses. She gave up her free, relaxing time and would stay up late to do laundry when I required all of her time doing homework. In retrospect she taught me what it meant to love sacrificially.

Many of the kids I work with get in trouble when they don't do their homework too. Not because they chose to be irresponsible or they are neglecting their education, but because the phone calls from the teachers are a pain.

But as the body of Christ we are not called to complain. We are called to action. Making disciples, loving people. Please, join us in this battle.

"This my brotha"

I visited some of my kids from church today at North Elementary. One young girl had asked me to eat lunch with her again. I was standing in line with the young black girl with my hands in my pocket. She was leaning against me, head laid on my side and her arm hooked over mine. We waiting for our turn to pass through when her classmate turns around and asked who i was. She didnt say anything so he asked,"Is that your uncle?" Very animated, she responded, "I ain't got no white uncle!" So he asked again and after smacking her lips she said, "this my brotha." I just smiled. This is the same girl i blogged about Monday, September 20, 2010

Last year at Earl Bradsher when visiting Kashawn he told his classmates when asked who I was, "This my daddy." They are now in Kindergarden and several of the kids when I come say. "There's Kashawn's daddy." I just smile. I don't mind.

With the state of most families or lack there of, many kids are left in need of more love. Even some of them who have a parent and perhaps two might still fit that label of "orphans" from James 1:27. It reads:

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."

I know that taking Jesus serious to "take up my cross daily" left me spending my one day of the week that I could do what I wanted and spending it on some kids. Jesus command was very proactive when he said

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself ”

Going through James has caused me to see how well I love myself. I'm quite good at it. I spoil myself regularly.

The question we need to ask ourselves are we responding to Jesus with action? I'm not sure this meant that we start attending church or go to seminary. That we start reading the right trendy books or know all the big name pastors. That we build for ourselves a tight christian bubble. Its a call to action. To love and to love sacrificially. Like me, the blessing will be yours, not theirs.

busy, busy, busy.

Its been a while since I've been able to blog. My mom even sent me an email telling me I needed a new blog. I've been busy with ministry at YFC and at East Rock. I've also been getting a few more photo jobs lately. Life has been pretty crazy lately and something had to give. This time I chose to give up a some of my internet free time including this blog and also a lot of facebook (excluding the things I do to promote BCP). This is really no glory story on how I always choose what's best. Its often quite opposite. The summer was easily as busy just in different ways. I didn't have much free time at all. At the end of last school year I had been counseling a young man and it had been going great. We spoke openly and he asked some great questions. He listened intensely. He took it all in. Then the crazy summer hit. He had no cell phone because he made a dumb decision and his father took(broke) it. That was our main method of communication. We didn't talk all summer. I knew where he worked. I know where he lives and I often passed his house. But business kept me from calling his house or making a quick stop. Fail. School starts back and I see him the first lunch visit I make. "Where you been, man?" The answer really was quite long. I had been to Nicaragua, Kentucky, Boston and the list goes on. I had children camps, church events and so much more. I dont think he really cared to hear all of that. Of all that had been going on could I not find five minuets to call him up. I kind of hung my head and said, "Around." "I've needed to talk to you man. I've been struggling. I've got a lot of questions." Sure, he could have called me up too. But, I knew. I knew what I should have done and I failed.

There are a lot of good things out there. But don't miss the great things. We were designed for relationships. First, with the Almighty God and second for other people. Don't trade either for lesser things.

What about me?

We took pictures of all our kids at East Rock a while back to hang on the wall. My favorite picture is of Savion. Full of character, it captures him. The most telling is probably of his brother Kashawn, unable to focus long enough to actually look at the camera for me to take the picture.

This past week I suffered from a kidney stone. The pain is unlike anything else I’ve ever known. I cried out in pain, first in screams, then in prayer. I asked the Lord to make the pain stop. I then asked to make it stop right away. It didn’t. I then asked for him to reveal to me if sin in my life was causing these stones. He responded by asking me why was this the only time I cried out to him with this much passion and fervor. In my prayers I expect results. I know the Lord hears my prayers and tells me He will answer. But somehow my prayer this night was different. My heart cried out as much if not more than my voice. I deeply desired the pain to subside and I begged and pleaded for that like there was no tomorrow. It had all of my attention and focus. “When you pray for these kids, why does it never sound like this?” I heard. Why was my heart never bent on achieving such immediate results? Why did I never pray for them with such fervor and fury? The Lord had caught and won my attention. My prayers for each kid deepened. Lord, soften the hard heart of Savion. Break the strong will of Kashawn.

When Sunday came around I was excited to see the kids. Excited to tell them I had lifted them up before the Lord. I had looked back through the pictures and prayed for each one by name. I told Kashawn and he smiled and asked, “Really?” Then I told Trevon and Raquan. But there were more kids around. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Several I’ve now known for only two weeks and barely know their name. I looked at one, named either TJ or DJ, I cant tell the young brothers apart yet, “No, but I will this week.” And I meant it. In a brand new way I meant it. I will not just mention his name so I can say that I did. I will petition before the Lord on his behalf. I will ask God to call him to His name. That he can leave this world behind and cling fast to the Lord.

We pray more for things that mean the most to us. It was easy to pray for my pain to cease because I love myself very well. But the Lord revealed his heart to me that night. His heart is for people and I am to love them like he does. And the best way I can start is by lifting them up to Him.